im not happy

itz been awhile that i havent post anything..well, actually this past few weeks..there are a lot of things in my mind..it just that i havent have any guts to transfer it into you mr bloggy..sumhow, im going to live my life just like my other day.nothing is going to change my life routine..( sucks isnt it) but maybe a slight of changes are going to happen to my love life.

sumhow, overall, i think that im doin good. even if it is wasnt good enuf to sum ppl.im still going to cherish my life till the end of it. no turning back. i made my mind clearly this tyme on what i want and what i should do.perhaps some of you think it was a bunch of craps that suddenly appear in my thought..hahaha..maybe.im so unpredictable but i hope i would go according to what ive been thinking this lately..

my family are so happy that im going to finish my study.im not so proud with what i hav done this few years and the worst part is my final year.i noe it is going to kill them but i just hope that i can make it up some other day.frankly speaking, im not too excited of finishing my studying period.

working time...i hope i can find sumthing that really sooo into me.i dun care what kind of job is it.as long as my parents can accept it and i can make money from the job. expecting large sum of salary wasnt my target actually.silly me right.i just want to do something that will give me satisfaction due to my effort. just like when im having my practical training in sony last years.eventhough ppl see me doing nothing, eventhough ppl always hv bad thought about me..im happy working with ppl surrounding..rather than working with machine and paper.furthermore, only this working period can help me escape from everything. i want to make my on decision for once in my life without depending on what people might think.

my love life...i donno what is happening to me. i tot im giving my very best. just when i need him the most, everything is trembling. all the time we spent together doesnt give him any clue what i want in my life. who cares what might happen in the future.today decision that will shows us what future is.if im not happy today.what might i feel in the future?why cant he or me make one of us happy or correct this present situation b4 acting kind a shady. i dun want to think about it anymore. just like what he decided to do.so as usuall, i will stay low, giving him what he want..what he think best for us. im tired of crying.

nway, there is nothing to do with the past.let gone be gone.eventhough i dissapointed with myself for not making the right choice in my 23 years.i hope next time i would be wise enuf to care about me and my family first.