D minus.sucks isnt it?

The term kuratif is refering to the short course that need to be taken by the student in my university that have
*gred D and below for the teras subject
*gred C and below for the wajib subject.

Anyway, this 23 years of my life, i never reseat ..retest..or repeat any subject in my life. because i never get D.huhu..how hard the subject would be, i would try my best to pass for the subject. Cause i noe it hurts my mom n my dad to death if i stuck in any of those papers.

but maybe im so proud and overconfident in maintaining my gred, sumhow this sem for my thermofluids subject, i got a d minus.i cry for 3 days.but i noe nothing can change it. i need to accept the fact that i failed for the first tyme in my life ( i always fail in my life but this is the first tyme i failed in my paper).

but apart for my sadness cause by the d minus, i realize that the fame people and an educated people all around the world start their success with failure. because of the failure, we will learn to arise from the darkness and the humiliation part of our life. this reasons will help us to build more confidence and strength to face the world.

like my lectures always said, it is okay to fail because youre gonna be much more better and much more educated compared to the people that only just past the test. the failure you get through yesterday will make u even more stronger tomorrow.

i noe sumhow ppl might say that just some words that gonna help me overwhelmed but to me no, it is true. i understand it more than before and i promised myself that i would be more better than anyone.i promised~

haunted

my past is haunted me. the more stories i try to dig in to find the truth the more confuse it makes me.who should i trust. does this past few years im trusting the right person to lead my life or this past few years i only make myself worst by trusting the wrong person so badly.

i dont know who to trust anymore.they claim to be my best buddy, my best mate, my best man or woman or even my best of the best relationship that i ever had but why the fact that i found out today wasnt as pleased as i thought before.

i really dont want to judge people because once i start it i really tear me apart. like it will give me thousands of reasons to hate everyone or even thinking of sweet revenge. im not an angel, or good ppl, so i dunt have the right reason to judge ppl based on my stupid foolishness from my past.

well, my past is haunted me. claim that everything happen in my past is because of the GOD listed it that way.how lame the excuses would be.talking bout im the reason for making other ppl suffer.dont they know that this 5 years im not happy too.im struggle to find my own path, n im not ever near the success.i choose the hard part rather that the easy way that i have before.

why wouldnt the past dissapear.why should it haunted me.i nearly forget about it.i nearly choose my own target of life.i nearly fulfill what i should from the start. but why after this 5 years, the past is haunted me over and over again.

yes i regret..
yes i hate you..
yes i dunt want you..
yes i dun want to noe about you
but why must you look upon me talking like im changing a lots.
why ? do you happy that im suffered all this while..

god im begging you please let me live my life.i dun want to end it with full of regret.
i wish that the life i want today would be the life that would be bless by everybody.
i hope that the man i choose right now is the man that will care about me more than everything
that will not hurt me and take good care of me..
let the past walk away from my life.
forever.

mimpi

pagi ni aku bangun dengan kepala yang masih blur.pe yang patut aku buat.badan aku dari semlm sakit2.tak larat rasanaya nk g kelas...mmg aku tak de mood sangat2..dalam pada aku menganalisis fizikal n mental aku yang tak bape nk betol.aku teringat satu part mimpi aku semalam.

aku tak ingat kat mana kami berada.masa tu aku bersama bf aku, adie. dier drive kancil kesaygan dier.tp aku tak ingat hala tuju.yang aku taw dier rushing sangat nk balik.tp ntah balik ke mana aku tak ingat.dalam otw nak lik tu..suddenly dier berhenti kat depan satu rumah..ntah sper kan empunya rumah teres comel ini.

then, the sliding door was open..ramai giler orang guys n guys yang lebey kurang sebaya aku kuar..ooo pusat tuisyen rupenyer.anyway, yanng wat aku terkejut, that place rupanyer ppl from my bf nyer former school, mrsm kuala krai. the i saw sorang2 kuar. quite familiar gak r..sbb penah tgk pictures kat facebook..

however, hati aku mcm berdegup tgk sorang minah ni..eyh..cik izzah..cik siti..uhm..mcm besa la..bf aku dah msk g jumper mmber2 dier leaving me behind with millions of question.apa patot aku buat? then i remeber yang i must act polite..so nk salam lah ni..but the girls refuse..even the teacher(pompuan..sper tah) she said, dier tak bley nk wat baik ngan aku sebab takot one of her student kecik hati...

aku pon tarik je lah tgn aku lik..g mampus lah..bukan aku mntak duit ko pon.nway, theyre walking towards mner tah aku pon tak taw. then boley plak my bf soh aku walk with them sbb dier ader nk g kedai dpn..n ask me soh jln kaki g kedai dpn.hurm..yelah...aku jalan sorang2 mcm outcast nyer person..dorang dok jeling2 n ckp tah pape..aku pon tak taw.

sampi kat kedai dpn, entah pe yang adie bising2 aku pon tak taw..e eyh dier ni ..dok ngamuk je.pk pale sndr jer..skit hati tol r dibuatnyer..tp takpe aku ikotkan jer mungkin ader sumthing else yang aku tak taw..ke dier terasa sbb ternampak kenangan lama..adusss macam2 aku pk..

aku tak taw the end of the dream...sumer nyer mcm vanish cmtu jer..last sekali aku ingat, aku dgn other guys yang try to convince me yang he could do better than my bf..but apparently, dalam mimpi aku tu...im really fall in love for my bf..and i do anything to make the other guy understand that the answer is no..huhu

tup..tup..aku terbangun sbb dpt msg dr my bf..katernyer br smpi bilik..pukul 7 pagi?!!!
OMG lmernyer..tah pe dier wat mlm td..aku dah runsing balik..

what do i really feel

he is sick..yet im scared him to death with zillions of questions
well im not really type of girl that satisfied with only simple answers..
i keep suspicious and feeling down
ppl said im interesteing to get to noe, lucky enuf to born with this physical appereance
but whats the point of having the beauty that peoples might adore if the man i love couldnt see it
nway, i do miss him.
maybe this is not the right time to whining about what i really want or what do i really need
im so sorry for all the mistake or silly thing i made
just take care of yourself
whatever please you..it please me..whatever hurt u, it hurt me too
you do remmber it kan..?

taio cruz... break your heart...

(the beat of the songs is killing me..awesome!!)
(two thumbs up..)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"u noe i juz gonna hurt you" said the gurl
"u noe im gonna break ur heart,right?" said the boy
"u wanna bet?" she replied
"bring it on" he answered

Now listen to me baby
Before i love and leave you
They call me heartbreaker
I dont wanna decieve ya

If you fall for me
Im not easy to please
I might tear you apart
Told you from the start
Baby form the start

Im only gonna break break your break break your heart (x4)

Theres no point tryna hide it
No point tryna tease me
I know i got a problem
By doing this behaviour

Now listen to me baby
Before i love and leave you
They call me heartbreaker
I dont wanna decieve ya

Im only gonna break break your break break your heart (x4)

Ay and i know karmas gonna get me back for being so cold.
ay im the big bad wolf, im born to be and bad to the bone.

ay If you fall me im gonna tear you apart
Ay Told you from the start ay

Im only gonna break break your break break your heart (x4)

american pie - the bible

wooohhh..talking about american pie..(sumer orang taw kan cter tu) hehehe...dah lamer dah tgk cter tu...to ppl yang not really oopen minded sile2 lah jangan tengok yer...lebih2 lagi bersama sy..hahaha..bukan pe..menyampah plak biler dengar.."eiiii..yurkss.....adoii..maluu.." and tah paper lagi..dah taw otak sempit tu blah la tak payah nk tgk cter2 cmtu..hampeyh dan cipan tol...poyo jer..padahal mahu tapi malu..hahahha

tp papepon, bukan nk ngumpat orang kat dlm blog aku ni..pe yang terlintas kat dlm hati aku ni..american pie nyer story..lagu2 dier memang masyuk la..giler masuk ngan jiwa aku yang semmgnyer giler babeng suke kat lagu2 happening cmtu..damn! lau ley layan gne speaker besar gabak kan besh..biar berdentum2 hati aku yang tgh tak keruan..(eceh..ade ke patot..g baca quran lagi bagus) hahahha..takde lah...mls nk hipokrit...mmg lah berzikir n baca quran tu dikatakan boley menghiburkan hati yang lara...tp bg aku..mnde tu kadang2 je berjaya..hati aku ni dah gelap sgt ke weyhh...wahhh...tolong!!

hurm..berbalik kepada cter asal..tbe2 terlayan lak lagu get loose by kesha ..cmner yer nk letak download link kat blog...tak reti plak...lau tak nk gak share lagu tu ngan korang..aku ley lak terbayangkan koreografi lagu tu.wah wah wah..sunggug mengasyikkan lah layan dance ni.

pump me up mister DJ...woohooo....miss the spinning track uve been playing..
giler babeng lah the remix help me endure all the problems...ngeh3
nway, pedulik la pe orang nk kater..ni blog aku..suke baca..tak suke blah..mls lah nk pretending dah..sakit jiwa wa ckp lu..dah2..aku ponteng kelas lagi ni..sper nk teman aku..jom!

im not happy

itz been awhile that i havent post anything..well, actually this past few weeks..there are a lot of things in my mind..it just that i havent have any guts to transfer it into you mr bloggy..sumhow, im going to live my life just like my other day.nothing is going to change my life routine..( sucks isnt it) but maybe a slight of changes are going to happen to my love life.

sumhow, overall, i think that im doin good. even if it is wasnt good enuf to sum ppl.im still going to cherish my life till the end of it. no turning back. i made my mind clearly this tyme on what i want and what i should do.perhaps some of you think it was a bunch of craps that suddenly appear in my thought..hahaha..maybe.im so unpredictable but i hope i would go according to what ive been thinking this lately..

my family are so happy that im going to finish my study.im not so proud with what i hav done this few years and the worst part is my final year.i noe it is going to kill them but i just hope that i can make it up some other day.frankly speaking, im not too excited of finishing my studying period.

working time...i hope i can find sumthing that really sooo into me.i dun care what kind of job is it.as long as my parents can accept it and i can make money from the job. expecting large sum of salary wasnt my target actually.silly me right.i just want to do something that will give me satisfaction due to my effort. just like when im having my practical training in sony last years.eventhough ppl see me doing nothing, eventhough ppl always hv bad thought about me..im happy working with ppl surrounding..rather than working with machine and paper.furthermore, only this working period can help me escape from everything. i want to make my on decision for once in my life without depending on what people might think.

my love life...i donno what is happening to me. i tot im giving my very best. just when i need him the most, everything is trembling. all the time we spent together doesnt give him any clue what i want in my life. who cares what might happen in the future.today decision that will shows us what future is.if im not happy today.what might i feel in the future?why cant he or me make one of us happy or correct this present situation b4 acting kind a shady. i dun want to think about it anymore. just like what he decided to do.so as usuall, i will stay low, giving him what he want..what he think best for us. im tired of crying.

nway, there is nothing to do with the past.let gone be gone.eventhough i dissapointed with myself for not making the right choice in my 23 years.i hope next time i would be wise enuf to care about me and my family first.